Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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