I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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