There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
