I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
