I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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