I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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