I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
