i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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