I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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