So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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