Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
