I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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