Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
