His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
