bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
