look no pants
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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