Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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