Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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