I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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