we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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