Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
