and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
