I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
