he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
