the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
