I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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