he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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