Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
