I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
