I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
