There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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