just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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