brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
