woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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