She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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