eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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