Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
