remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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