So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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