They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
