someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
