You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
