the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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