At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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