I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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