oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
