Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
