well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
