Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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