I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
