She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
