so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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