smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
