i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
